Is Emotional Immaturity a Mental Illness? Understanding What’s Really Going On

Have you ever dated someone who shut down when you cried, got pouty when they didn’t get their way, or threw a tantrum when you said “no”? Or maybe you’ve felt like the parent for your actual parents- constantly managing their emotions, walking on eggshells, and getting very little support in return.

You might find yourself wondering: Is emotional immaturity a mental disorder?

It’s one of the most Googled questions we’ve seen from our community at KulaMind. And while emotional immaturity isn’t a formal diagnosis, it shows up in powerful ways in relationships, especially when someone’s emotional development has stalled.

In a recent episode of our podcast, A Little Help for Our Friends, we explore emotional immaturity not just as a set of annoying behaviors, but as a developmental issue that can have real psychological roots. We unpack what it looks like, why it happens, and how to recognize it in your relationships.

What Is Emotional Immaturity?

Emotional immaturity isn’t just someone being “bad at relationships” or a little selfish- it often reflects a delay in emotional and social development.

Psychological maturity means you can:

• Recognize and regulate your emotions

• Understand other people’s perspectives (this is called theory of mind)

• Tolerate not getting your way without lashing out

• Hold complex, even conflicting emotions without all-or-nothing thinking

• Respond to your partner’s emotions with empathy and nuance

Immature people often struggle in these areas. That doesn’t make them evil, but it means they may be underdeveloped, and often unaware of how their behavior impacts others.

Is Emotional Immaturity a Mental Disorder?

Technically, no. Emotional immaturity is not listed as a standalone mental disorder in the DSM-5. But it often overlaps with certain diagnoses, especially those in Cluster B personality disorders, like borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and histrionic personality disorder (HPD).

Many of these disorders involve emotional dysregulation, entitlement, identity confusion, and underdeveloped social reasoning. From a developmental perspective, people with these traits often feel emotionally younger, like they're stuck at an earlier stage of growth.

Emotional immaturity might show up as:

• Explosive emotional reactions that feel childlike

• Entitlement (e.g., “If I don’t get what I want, it’s unfair!”)

• Difficulty seeing your perspective (e.g., “I didn’t do anything wrong! You shouldn’t be mad at me”)

• A lack of emotional nuance (e.g. “Everyone is always out to get me”)

• Social misattunement (e.g. bringing the conversation back to themselves all the time)

So no, emotional immaturity is not a disorder, but it can cause real pain, especially when your loved one’s emotions overshadow your own.

Why Some People Never Grow Up Emotionally

In healthy development, children learn over time how to delay gratification, tolerate frustration, and consider other people’s needs. But some people (often due to early trauma, inconsistent parenting, or unmet emotional needs) don’t fully develop these skills.

Instead of growing out of emotional dependency, they become adults who:

• Explode when told “no”

• Feel victimized when boundaries are set

• Need others to regulate their emotions

• View disagreement as rejection or betrayal

As adults, they may appear “high-functioning” in some areas, but in close relationships, their emotional immaturity becomes painfully clear.

So What Do You Do If You Love Someone Who’s Emotionally Immature?

This is exactly why we created KulaMind.

When you have a partner, parent, or sibling who’s emotionally immature, you often end up over-functioning: managing their emotions, tiptoeing around their triggers, and losing touch with your own needs in the process.

At KulaMind, we help you:

• Set boundaries with compassion and clarity

• Stop feeling responsible for their emotional state

• Learn to regulate your own emotions, even in the middle of their storm

• Reconnect with yourself- your values, needs, and identity

Through our on-demand tools, community of like-minded peers, and live coaching support, you’ll build the emotional skills you were never taught—and stop living in reaction to someone else’s volatility.

Want Help Navigating a Relationship Like This?

You’re not alone. Thousands of people are in relationships with emotionally immature loved ones—and struggling to stay sane, safe, and self-connected.

👉 Join the KulaMind community to get personalized support, practical skills, and a space to breathe.
If you want to learn more first, book a free consultation call here to learn how we can help.